


Baby steps

by OnceuponaDecember



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: F/F, Kissing, M/M, Sonya is a baby, declarations, rated mature for mentions of suicide attempt and death, selfless Thomas, shy!thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceuponaDecember/pseuds/OnceuponaDecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He only had one true friend ever since he was a teenager. Brenda. She stood by him in every good and every miserable minute of his life. So when she wanted his help to have a baby with her girlfriend, Newt couldn't say no.</p>
<p>But events took an unexpected turn that left Newt with way more than he was ready for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby steps

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone! Hope you'll enjoy this one-shot. I have more thoughts and ideas in my head about it, so I might make a sequel to it, depending on your comments.
> 
> Unfortunately, English is still not my first language, so my apologies in advance for any mistakes. 
> 
> Comments are very welcomed and appreciated. :)

He only had one true friend ever since he was a teenager. She stood by him in every good and every miserable minute of his life. When Gally broke his nose in second grade. When his first love left him. When he came out to his parents. When his parents kicked him out of their house screaming threats and names at him he couldn’t believe. Monster, freak, disappointment. He was always on good terms with his Mum and Dad. He was so confident that their love was unconditional, that the pure disgust on their faces shook his whole word. Everything he believed in was gone.

 

After that, he just kept on thinking about the meaning of his life for a couple of days, hiding in his best friend’s house. When he came up with nothing…he tried to kill himself. In the brief moment of jumping he felt so bloody free. But afterlife wasn’t what he expected. It was a lot more painful. It took some time for him to realise that he was alive. When he opened his eyes in the hospital, she was the only one there beside him. His parents abandoned him completely, but Brenda didn’t. She never did. 

 

When they released him from the hospital six weeks later with a nasty limp that’ll stay forever, they decided to flee.

Brenda’s mother died a couple of years ago and her stepfather was an alcoholic brat. He didn’t give damn about his stepdaughter. So she gathered her stuff and left without leaving a note.  They went back to his family house when his parents were working. They collected pretty much everything that had a value. Cash, jewelleries, laptops.

 

“They can go and fuck themselves.” Brenda said with a vicious smirk and Newt couldn’t agree more.

 

He wanted to live everything behind, his country, his past, his hopes. They wanted to start a blank page. So they bought two tickets to Los Angeles. After all, America was the country of opportunities, wasn’t it?

 

\---

  

It was a struggle at first. To give up their dreams and hopes to study on. They didn’t even graduate from high school, so they didn’t stand a chance for university. But at least they were free. They stayed at Brenda’s cousin, Ben for three months, before they gathered enough money to rent their own place. It was a small flat, but it was their shelter. Ben owned a bar and night club in the heart of the city. They were both working there day and night.

 

To think about it, they had the most perfect male- female friendship one could wish for. They could tell everything to each other. They could snuggle up on the sofa in the evening, without being afraid that someone will eventually fall in love with the other. They could give advices to each other, about clothes to wear for a date. They could even talk about their sexual encounters without feeling awkward or jealous. Because Brenda was just as gay as he was, without the slightest interest towards men.

 

\---

 

Years passed and things developed. Brenda found Henriette and Newt found Alby. He moved together with the dark skinned male and Brenda stayed in the small flat with her girlfriend. They never spoke about London ever again and if Newt wanted to be honest, he didn’t really think about it anymore. The past was the past.

 

\---

 

They were in their early twenties when Brenda wanted to meet him urgently one day. She was very anxious, which made the blonde anxious as well, because they never had secrets between each other. It took some beating around the bush, but she blurted it out at the end. They wanted to have a baby with Henriette. And they wanted him to ‘help.’

 

It took Brenda weeks to persuade him. And it didn’t really help, that Alby wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea either. But in the end he gave in. He always gave in for Brenda.

 

Having sex with your best female friend, when you were absolutely, seriously, immovably gay as well as she was…out of the question in so many ways, Newt couldn’t even count them. So, even if it took a much longer time, they went through the artificial process.

 

When Brenda told him the good news, he almost freaked out. He was going to be a father in a way. He didn’t think he could do it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to play any part in the little fellow’s life. His own parents sucked and he was terrified, that he wouldn’t be different.

 

\---

 

He broke up with Alby, when Brenda was in her sixth month. On the same night, they were sitting on the old sofa in the small flat, watching Love Actually. Newt was crying, because of his broken heart and Brenda…well she was obviously crying, because she was pregnant and emotional. Henriette just laughed at them, hugging Brenda close.

 

\---

 

“You really should consider dating, Newt.” Brenda said like the thousandth time. “I know things didn’t work out with Alby, but you were the one, who kicked him out two and a half months ago.”

 

“I don’t want to date, Bren.” Newt moaned. “I just had enough for a while.”

 

“You are constantly grumpy. And boring. You need to get yourself laid. The Glade is full of volunteers, you know.”

 

Newt snorted. The Glade was the biggest gay bar in L.A. They used to go there a lot after they settled down. They both met their partners there. “How would you know? You didn’t set foot in the place for more than a year.”

 

“But my girlfriend works there, dummy.” Brenda answered, rolling her eyes. “Ouch! The little devil is re-arranging my organs.” she added with a frown. “I think she’s hungry. It’s time for a smoothie.” She got up from the sofa and headed towards the kitchen. Newt was grateful for the change of topic, but his happiness didn’t last for long.

 

“You know, I know a guy, who would be perfect for you. He saw you here and there a couple of times, and I think he has a massive crush on you.”

 

“Can we just drop it? I’ll make your smoothie, if you leave me alone.” Newt pleaded.

 

Brenda’s face lit up. “Of course, we can.” she giggled. “For now.”

 

\---

 

The eighteen hours he spent at the hospital, waiting for Brenda to give birth were agonising. They got on each other’s nerves with Henriette. But in the end, only one thing mattered. The tiny little angel with soft blonde hair and deep blue eyes. She was…perfect. Newt couldn’t find any other word to describe her. The two women were so joyful, it warmed Newt’s heart up. He still wasn’t sure about his role in the little girl’s life, but he had time to figure it out. Or so he thought.

 

 

 

They were sitting close to each other on the old sofa, watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’. Sonya seemed to like it. Well, she could fall asleep easily on it.

 

“Do you remember the guy I mentioned you before? The one who was fond of you?” Brenda asked casually.

 

“No.” Newt lied without the slightest impression that he could fool his best friend.

 

“Of course you do.” the girl continued like Newt haven’t said a word. “We bumped into him with Sonya this afternoon. He’s still interested.” Before the boy could protest, she carried on. “You should really meet him. He seems like a really nice guy. And he is your type.”

 

“And why doesn’t he ask me out, if he’s so interested?” Newt asked annoyed.

 

“Because he is shy, like hell.” retorted Brenda, pushing his shoulder. “And he doesn’t even know that you’re a grown up daddy now.” she giggled.

 

“I’m not.” answered Newt, regretting it immediately, when he saw Brenda’s smile falter. “Sorry, Bren. You know I’m trying. But I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m not sure, if I’ll ever be.”

 

“It’s ok.” the girl said, squeezing Newt’s shoulder. “We can take it slow. And you can practice, like, for example tomorrow? We’d like to go for a little shopping with Henriette and I hoped we can live you alone with Sonya for a couple of hours.” she finished sheepishly.

 

“I don’t really have an option, do I?” newt asked with a sigh, already accepting his fate.

 

“Nope. You love us too much to turn me down.” the brunette stated, making Newt chuckle.

 

“I do.” he said, planting a kiss on the top of Brenda’s head.

 

\---

 

It’s so interesting, how lives can change forever after a single phone call. He was taking care of their little angel – as he lately called the baby – when his mobile started to buzz. An unknown, firm voice told him to get to Wexham Hospital immediately. He was Brenda’s ICE call as she had no one else apart from Henriette. But Henriette was already there. They both were in a car accident. A van crashed into them frontally when they were heading home from the supermarket.  

 

By the time Newt reached the hospital with little Sonya in his hands, they could only tell him the bad news. Neither of the women made it. They both passed away.

Newt wasn’t able to cry at first. He felt empty. He could have stayed there, sitting on the hospital bench forever, if little Sonya didn’t start to cry. He hugged the two months old baby close to his chest, as realisation hit him. He couldn’t give up. He had to be strong. Because he was the only one, Sonya could count on. He was the only one, she had left.

 

***

 

“Can they make my life any fucking harder?” Newt cursed silently, standing in front of the baby care shelf. He stood there for the last ten minutes, trying to decide on the nappies and the baby food.

Sonya was peacefully sleeping in her pram. _“She was obviously keeping the ‘crying and keeping Newt awake show’ for the night.”_ the blonde thought fondly, although he didn’t have a proper sleep for weeks.  

_“Apricot, apricot with broccoli, broccoli with chicken, broccoli with chicken and carrot, apple and beetroot with beef. Yuck.”_ All of them sounded horrible. Sonya was only three months old and she only ate milk powder yet. But he had a soon to expire coupon on baby food and they could start trying out some of them in a month’s time anyway.

 

Only 34 days passed since…the accident. Newt didn’t dare to think about it. He couldn’t break down. He spent the last weeks arranging everything around the little girl. Fortunately, no one else claimed her from the ‘family’, so she could stay with Newt. Ben was helping a lot and surprisingly Alby has shown up from time to time to support his ex- boyfriend. Newt took less shifts to spend as much time with Sonya as possible. When the baby was sleeping, which was rare, he was reading every book and article he could find about childcare. He wanted to be a good carer for Sonya. He couldn’t and didn’t want to think about himself as the little girl’s father. He thought about giving her to adoption…but he just couldn’t give Brenda’s daughter away.

 

So here he was at the age of 25, standing in front of the tons of baby food, resting his forehead on the edge of the shelf.

 

“Hey, can I help you?” a tentative voice asked, just as Newt felt a feather light touch on his shoulder.

 

He turned his head to look up and meet the huge, concerned brown eyes. The eyes belonged to a young man, approximately his age. He had wild brown locks, sticking to every direction, framing his face perfectly. He was holding a loaf of bread in his left hand, his right hand still on the blonde’s his shoulder. Newt stood up straight and the man’s hand fell off.

 

“Thanks for asking, mate. But I don’t think, you can. I have serious nappy and baby food issues.“ the blonde answered with a sigh.

 

The brunet’s gaze shifted to the pram and a smile split over his face. “She’s beautiful.”

 

“Yes, she is.” agreed the blonde. But still…buying baby stuff sucks..” Newt blurted out.

 

“I’m your man, dude. I have two nieces. I know everything about childcare.” the boy beamed proudly. “How old is she?”

 

“Three months”. Newt answered uncertainly.

 

“Then, she’s a bit too young for baby food I suppose.” the man said.

 

“Yup, I know. But I have a coupon.” said the blonde, waving the paper in front of the boy’s face. He was a bit annoyed, but he tried to shrug it off. The man just tried to help. And he had a point. “Sorry.” he said softly. “I feels like I haven’t slept forever.”

 

The boy just shook his head. “Let’s get you two sorted, shall we?” he smiled and Newt couldn’t help it. He smiled back.

 

They left the shop with four fully packed bags of goodies for Sonya. Newt could only stuff one of them in the pram, so he was left with three more and the pram itself. Mission impossible.

 

“Do you need a hand?” the mysterious boy offered and Newt was just too bloody tired to object. It only took them ten minutes to walk home. The blonde opened the door, letting them in, than went straight to the kitchen to pack things away. His brain was screaming for sleep and he was hoping to get a few hours rest, before Sonya started the ‘night show.’ No luck there though. As soon as the thought formed itself in his mind, Sonya started to cry loudly.

 

“I’m coming in a minute, sweetie.” Newt cried manoeuvring himself to the kitchen table. Before he could get rid of all the stuff in his hand the desperate cries stopped. Newt’s blood froze. He dropped everything from his hand and went straight back to the room. _“You idiot!”_ he thought. _“You left her with a complete stranger. He could be a pervert, a kidnapper, the killer with the axe, and you left Sonya ALONE with him. How could you be such a reckless assh…Oh!”_ The flow of thoughts stopped abruptly, when he saw them. The boy had Sonya in his hands and the little devil was looking at him with huge blue eyes and a big smile.

 

The boy looked up cheerfully, but his face fell immediately, when he saw the expression on Newt’s face.

“Sorry!” he mumbled, blushing brick red.  “I shouldn’t have picked her up. We barely know each other. I used to pick up my sister’s kids, when they were upset and we got on really well with them.” He stepped closer to Newt, handing Sonya over to him. Newt hugged the little girl close to his chest before he spoke.

 

“I think I’m just not used to people helping me.” the blonde said honestly. “And I need a bloody sleep.”

 

“I guess your wish will be granted as soon as her mother gets home.” the brunet chuckled.

 

“She’s not coming home.” Newt said quietly. Sonya started to cry again, like she sensed something. “I guess she’s hungry.” he added, surprised by how well he started to know the little girl. He sighed involuntary. It’ll take him at least twenty minutes to get the food ready with her in his arms. To his surprise, the boy didn’t ask anything about Brenda.

 

“You look like you could use some help.” the brunet offered with the never vanishing smile.

 

Newt shook his head, rocking Sonya in his arms. “We’re okay and we kept you up for long enough.”

 

“I don’t really have anywhere to be. And I promise I’m not a freak. I’m a teacher in Homestead Primary School.”

 

Newt wanted to protest, he really did. But fatigue took control over his tongue. “In that case, could you boil some water? Sonya needs a huge dinner and I need a huge coffee.”

 

“Sure thing. At your service.”

 

“Thank you…” It took a few second for the blonde to realise, that they didn’t know each other’s name. “Gosh, I didn’t even introduce ourselves, did I? She’s Sonya and I’m Newt.

 

“Thomas.” the boy said, before he turned towards the kitchen.

 

\---

 

Thomas left after midnight. He helped a lot with packing, feeding, coffee making, basically everything. Somehow he sensed that Newt was not in the mood to talk, so he chatted happily about his family and his job. He had a passion about teaching and his eyes were shining when he talked about his class. It was a true pleasure to listen to him. He wished Newt good luck, before he left and somehow the blonde felt a bit upset, when he closed the door behind him.

 

***

 

Months passed by as fast as an express train and Sonya was growing fast, just as Newt’s affection towards her. He was practically in love with the little angel and he got to the point when he kept telling curious people that he was her uncle. Not his father, but close to it. He hired a nanny to take care of Sonya in some of the days, when he had to go to work. Yes, he was exhausted. When he wasn’t working, he was with his Sonya, and she wasn’t a good sleeper, not at all.

 

He was playing with the baby one day, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it curiously, because he didn’t really expect any visitors at ten in the morning. His surprise grew even bigger, when he recognised his visitor. Thomas was standing in the hallway with two large sacks in both hands.

 

“Thomas?” he asked with a surprise smile.

 

“Nice to see you Newt.” the brunet smiled looking at him with warm eyes.

“My sis wanted to give these clothes away, because they were way too small for her kids. I thought I’ll bring it here. Maybe you’ll find some good stuff for Sonya. I’ll take the rest in school, after the holiday.

 

Newt felt his heart warm up. Thomas was practically a stranger they didn’t see each other for three months, yet he thought of them straight away, before taking the clothes to anywhere else. It was…touching.

“Wow, thanks. It’s very thoughtful and kind of you. Come in, have a look at Princess Sonya.” Newt said, spreading the door wide open.

 

It was surprisingly easy to talk to Thomas. Like they were old friends. They were looking through the baby clothes, chatting about unimportant things. It was a strangely comforting feeling. Happiness radiated from the brunet shining through the flat. Newt found it very comforting.

 

“So how are you two doing?” Thomas asked casually after a while. “Is her Mum visiting you at all?”

 

Newt didn’t answer first. Of course, Thomas didn’t know anything about them, but it still hurt to hear the question and the slightly accusing tone. He hesitated on what to answer, but Thomas was faster.

 

“I apologise. It’s not my business.” the other man said quietly, making a face. He seemed like he was mentally cursing himself. “My brain is in a fast-track connection with my mouth. Just forget about it.” His smile was back, and the blonde couldn’t help but feel trust towards him. He didn’t press, he didn’t push for the answers. He was just selflessly helping and talking with Newt like they were good friends. Was he a friend at all? He was more of a supporter, always showing up in the right place, at the right time.

 

“Don’t worry about it. I would be curious in your place.” Newt answered. And then he started to talk. He couldn’t talk about Brenda with anyone after she passed away, not even with Alby or Ben, although he would have trusted them with Sonya’s life.

“She’s not coming back ever. Not because he wouldn’t want to, but because she can’t. She died in a car accident, when Sonya was two months old.”

 

Thomas seemed totally shocked, like he was personally involved. “Gosh, I’m sorry for your loss.” he said finally with his eyes watery.  “But at least Sonya has you. And I’m pretty sure the grandparents are fond of her.”

 

Newt shook his head with a humourless smile, while he examined a little skirt with pink flowers on it. “It’s a tiny bit more complicated, than that.” he said carefully.

 

“Is it?” asked the brunet with a fond smile on his face, rolling a ball to Sonya.

 

“It’s a long story.” the blonde answered. He wasn’t sure, if he wanted to share his life with Thomas.

 

“Oh, ok. I have to get going anyway. I’ll pick the clothes you don’t want to keep in a few days if it works for you.” the man said, standing up from the floor.

 

“I don’t know how to thank you...” Newt said, shaking the brunet’s hand. They were standing face to face and Newt realised a few things involuntarily. How Thomas was a head shorter than himself. How deep and warm his eyes were. How the tiny moles covering his face and neck suited him perfectly. How his palm was warm and dry and that he had a strong grip. Newt shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts out.

 

“No need.” smiled Thomas. “Just stay safe.” And he left with a quiet bye, before Newt could say anything else.

 

***

 

It was one of those sunshiny days, that warmed the heart up and Newt was walking in the park with Sonya. He had a night shift at the bar tonight, but he wanted to enjoy the good weather with Sonya, before he had to leave her with the nanny. He sat down by the fountain in the middle of the park, with Sonya next to him in her pram. A little while later two kids ran past them, stopping at the fountain, splashing water to each other. It made Newt wonder how Sonya will look like at their age. And where the will be.

 

A man was approaching the little girls and Newt couldn’t help, but smile, when he recognised Thomas. The brunet too had a wide grin on his face.

 

“Hey, you two.” he said cheerfully, sitting down next to Newt. “Good to see you.”

 

“Hi, Thomas. Are they your sister’s daughters.” the blonde asked with interest.

 

“Yup.” Thomas nodded, adoration clear on his face. “Ladies, would you like to introduce yourselves to my friend?”

 

The two girls stopped playing to stand in front of Newt with a sincere expression.

 

“I’m Scarlett, and I’m five.” the older one said.

 

“I’m Laina and…”she showed up three little fingers.

 

“We’re about to have the best ice-cream in town. Wanna join us?” the shorter man asked, the smile never leaving his face. It strangely made the blonde want to smile too. The brunet was always so cheerful and positive. And he called Newt his friend.

 

“Why not?” Newt said, standing up from the edge of the fountain.

 

Half an hour later they were all – well all, except Sonya – licking their ice creams quietly, enjoying the tastes and the gentle breeze on their faces.

 

“Uncle Thomas, wanna taste mine?” Scarlett asked, standing on tiptoe to reach the brunet better.

 

“Sure, Darling.” said Thomas, crouching down to his older niece.

 

“Here you go!” said the little girl, pushing the cone forward, smudging the man’s lips and nose with the icy treat. 

 

“Well, thank you!” Thomas said, before he started to laugh. Soon the two girls joined him and even Newt couldn’t supress a smile. The brunet looked hideous.

 

“Does it have a nice taste?” he asked, still grinning.

 

“Heavenly.” answered the brunet. “Wanna taste it?”

 

Newt’s gaze involuntarily slid down from the man’s eyes to his ice cream covered lips. He felt his face heat up. Thomas only looked at him for a second, before something clicked in his brain too and his cheeks turned pink, than deep red.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” the shorter man mumbled, deeply embarrassed. He took a handkerchief from his back pocket and started wiping down his face

 

“Of course you didn’t.” the blonde said with a reassuring smile to ease up the situation.

 

“I mean, it’s not like…I would really…” Thomas babbled.

 

Sonya chose that precise moment to start crying loudly and heartbreakingly. “Gosh, no worries, honey. We’ll be home in no time.” Newt stroked the baby’s face gently. “Sorry, we need to go, or hell will break loose.” he said with an apologetic smile. “See ya around.”

 

“Yeah, see you.” answered Thomas with a half-smile.

 

_“What just happened there? And what was he trying to say?”_ Newt couldn’t stop the wheels in his brain turning in the next couple of days.

 

***

 

Henriette’s sister took Sonya away every second Saturday for a whole day and night. That was Newt’s rest day. He usually slept, like he was dead, but tonight, he found a bottle of whiskey, hidden on the top shelf. He only wanted to drink a glass of it. Then he decided another glass won’t hurt. By nine in the evening, he was totally wasted.

 

“Who the fuck?” he growled, when he heard the knock on the door. It took him some time to get his sorry ass up from the sofa and open it.

 

“Tommy.” he exclaimed with a hiccup. _“Wait, what? Tommy. Oh, nevermind!”_ he thought shrugging.

 

“Hey Newt. Is it a bad timing?” the brunet said uncertainly.

 

“Sonya isn’t home.” the blonde chuckled. “Girls’ night out. And I’m having my special bachelor party. Wanna join me? The whiskey is gone, but I can always offer you good company.”

 

“I’ll get you some water.” said Thomas with a small smile, stepping inside.

 

“Boring.” answered Newt. “I thought you were the ‘up for some fun’ type of guy _._ ” _“Gosh, what the bloody hell am I doing? Flirting? I sound pathetic.”_ he thought.

 

“Believe me, I am.” protested Thomas, heading towards the kitchen. “But drinking a bottle of whiskey alone doesn’t really sound like fun for me.”

 

 

The blonde pouted at Thomas like a child, but didn’t protest. Five minutes later, he was quietly sipping his glass of water on the sofa, with Thomas sitting next to him. He didn’t want to talk. He only had one free night and he spent it with getting drunk on his own. Brenda would surely be disappointed.  He put his head on his palms, leaning onto the table.

 

“Are you ok?” Thomas asked with concern thick is his voice.

 

“Only my dignity is wounded.” Newt answered between his fingers, although he was still pretty pissed and his head was spinning.

 

“I’m pretty sure, we can help that.” the brunet chuckled.

“Don’t promise anything Tommy. You don’t know anything about me.” Newt said with a humourless smile.

 

“I wish I did.” answered the brunet quietly.

 

Newt couldn’t really remember afterwards when, or why he started to talk. He just did. And Thomas was a good audience. He didn’t ask anything, just listened, hanging on Newt’s every word. It felt so good. The blonde just couldn’t recall the last time he was talking to someone, who actually payed attention. Well, he could. It was around five months ago, when Brenda was still alive, and his life was not in pieces. So he talked. About his childhood and his first good friend, Brenda.

When he got to the part about his coming out, ha got a bit uncertain. _“I’m not even sure if he’s straight or gay. What, if he is a homophobic?” he thought. “Well, he’ll just leave then. It’s not like I’m not used to people abandon me.”_ he thought. But Thomas didn’t seem disgusted or even the slightest bit repelled, only…angry. So he went on.

He left the suicide attempt out of the story. It was too personal, and he didn’t need the hot brunet’s pity. _“Hot? Hang on! When did he start calling Thomas hot in his head??? Rubbish! Only he was really…hot. Handsome face, gorgeous eyes, long fingers, nicely shaped body…Oh, shut up, Newt!”_

His freshly found feelings about the boy scared him a bit, so he didn’t really get into details about the rest of the story.

 

“Well, we moved here, started to work, got ourselves partners. It was plain and easy. Brenda and Henriette were a dream couple. They adored each other. And they wanted to get a baby, so I helped them out.” Newt said, rushing to get to the end, but, wanting to get the words and the heavy load off his chest at the same time.

 

Thomas arched an eyebrow.

 

“No, I didn’t have sex with any of them. Obviously. We’re living in the twenty-first century for heaven’s sake.” Newt fumed, making Thomas laugh.

 

“Sonya was born, life was happy and then they died in the accident. So she’s stuck with me.” the blonde finished. He didn’t remember, when the tears started to spill. He just couldn’t hold them back. He stayed so strong all the time. He couldn’t lose it, not even with Alby or Ben. But Thomas was…different. He felt so solid and strong for Newt. So he sobbed and cried like a child. At some point, Thomas’ arm came around him in a brotherly way, holding him, supporting him. When he couldn’t cry anymore, he just felt bloody exhausted. His head was still spinning of the alcohol and Tommy’s embrace felt so good. He turned his head to the side inhaling deeply. The boy smelled a pleasant mixture of cologne and the brunet’s own musky scent. Somehow, the reasonable part of his brain with all his fears gone silent. His lips reacted on their own, kissing Thomas’ neck softly.

 

He felt Thomas freeze, but Newt was hungered for his touch. Before his brain could scream in protest, he climbed on the top of the shorter boy. “Gosh, I want you!” he whispered, before he kissed Thomas fully on the lips. His heart skipped a beat, when the brunet shivered under him. But his lips never moved. The next thing Newt knew, that he was in the air. The brunet untangled their legs, and picked him up in a bridal fashion, taking him towards the bedroom. _“Are we going to have sex?”_ Newt wondered. His body was tingling on the places where Thomas’ bare skin touched his., but his head felt heavy and fogged. The man gently put him on the bed. And then…he lifted the covers up and tucked him in. _“Oh, shit!”_

 

“You need to sleep.” Thomas said softly, before he left, closing the bedroom door softly behind himself. And sure enough, before Newt could start to feel ashamed he dozed off, without dreaming about anything.

 

***

 

Newt woke up with a start. His head was throbbing a bit and his face was resting in a puddle of drool. He glanced at the clock beside the bed and paled. It was 11.30. Sonya will be back in 30 minutes and the flat was a mess. And he was a mess. He dragged himself out of bed and to the kitchen to get some aspirin. When he stepped inside, all the remaining colour drained from his face. Thomas was sitting by the dining table, with a cup of coffee in hand, reading a newspaper. Painfully embarrassing memories hit Newt like a truck, making his headache even worse. He tried to seduce the brunet yesterday. And the other man took him to bed and suggested him to sleep. Without any response. He made a pathetic fool of himself.

 

“Good morning.” Thomas greeted him with a smile, like nothing has happened. Despite the fact that Newt was sober and embarrassed, he still found the man breathtaking. _“Damn.”_

 

“Good morning.” answered the blonde. He tried to avert Tommy’s gaze and looked around instead. Then gaped. Everything was tidy, breakfast was waiting for him on the table, baby food was prepared for Sonya. “Wow. Are you real?” he asked, before his sensible side could react.

Thomas only chuckled, gesturing him to sit down. Newt obeyed, defeated. After the first three bites of his toast, and a few sips of his coffee, he felt ready to talk.

 

“I want to apologise for my behaviour yesterday.” he mumbled. “It was improper and undesired.”

 

Thomas blushed. He stood up from the table, fiddling with the newspaper. “There’s no need to apologise. I was just waiting for you to wake up. I really need to go now.”

 

Newt’s stomach shrunk. The toast wasn’t too appealing anymore. Thomas was nothing, but nice with both of them. And obviously he was straight as a nail. And he tried to seduce him, chasing him away forever. What the hell was he thinking? And now the man pitied him. Newt wanted to face-palm himself. Hard.

He walked the shorter man to the door, praying secretly for a hidden trap door to open up and swallow him.

 

“Thank you for everything again. I owe you big time.” the blonde said in a small voice, looking at his feet. A hand on his shoulder made him lift his head up. He looked straight into Thomas’ deep, brown eyes. The boy looked...sad.

 

“Hey Newt, don’t be so embarrassed. Your behaviour wasn’t inappropriate. And it wasn’t at least…undesired.” he added more quietly. “I have to rush. See you around.”

 

And with that, he was gone, leaving Newt alone with swirling emotions and tons of questions.

 

***

 

Ten days passed without Thomas showing up at all. Newt tried not to think too much about him, but sometimes, he couldn’t help himself. He hardly knew the man, they only met four times. But there was something about him. He was kind and generous. And handsome as hell. And he was…interested. Or let’s just say, that he wasn’t completely repelled. But he turned him down. But maybe just because he was drunk. Nah, too many ‘but’s’.

 

Sonya and Newt were shopping together. The little girl was in a cheerful mode, giggling and pulling on Newt’s hair from the baby sling, whenever she had an occasion. He was looking for some dinner, when he spotted them. Thomas was standing just a few feet away from him, talking and laughing with an Asian man. They seemed to get on really well. The felt a pang of jealousy in his guts, but he tried to ignore it. All he wanted was to clear out of the shop asap, get home, and forget about Tommy for good.

 

“Hey, Newt.” a too familiar voice called. _“I’m doomed.”_ Newt thought bitterly, while the two men approached him. The Asian man had a tanned skin and a muscular shape. He was nothing like Newt.

 

“Hi Sonya.” Thomas said with a dazzling smile, peeking in the sling to have a look at the little princess.

 

“Hey guys.” Newt greeted them kindly, when he found his voice. “How are things going?”

 

“Good, good.” said the Asian man with unmasked interest on his face. “So, you’re the famous Newt. I only heard good things about you.” he said with a wink.

 

Thomas first paled then blushed. “Shut it, Minho! My apologies for my friend. He’s even worse in controlling his mouth than I am.”

 

Newt felt his blood rushing behind his ears. Of course, Thomas told everyone his embarrassing performance. No matter the Asian man had that smirk on his face. “You don’t need to apologise for anything. I’m pretty sure you had a good time, laughing at me.” the blonde said, seeing red. Leaving his trolley behind, he turned his back at the two gaping male, and practically stormed out if the shop.

He heard Thomas shouting after him, but he didn’t want to stop. He never wanted to see the man again. But of course the boy caught up on him, gently, but firmly holding onto his shoulders, stopping him.

He refused to turn around and the brunet didn’t press him.

 

“Can you hear me out?” Thomas whispered, his voice full of emotions.

 

“It’s not like I have a bloody choice.” Newt spat back venomously. The hands holding his shoulders let go immediately.

 

“Just give me a chance to explain things. I need you to understand. After I’ve finished you can go. I promise, that I’ll never bother you again.”

 

Newt slowly turned around, holding his arms around Sonya. The girl was still sound asleep. “Speak.”

 

Thomas blushed deeply. He averted Newt’s gaze, but it only angered the blonde more. “I suggest you bloody start talking, or I’ll walk away.” he threatened.

 

“When we met at the shop… That wasn’t the first time I saw you. I noticed you way earlier, more than a year ago. I saw you at the Glade first, with your boyfriend. I thought you were the most attractive man, I’ve ever seen.” If it was possible, Thomas blushed even more. “Then I kept seeing you around. I live quite close to you and you spent a lot of time with Brenda. We can say I was crushing on you, although we never spoke, nor you have noticed me… But Brenda did.”

 

“Wait! Did you…?” Newt started, but Thomas interrupted him.

 

“Please, let me finish. I don’t know how long my courage holds on.” Newt fell silent, and the brunet continued. “He approached me once and we started to talk. She saw right through me. We never really spoke about her pregnancy in details, so I didn’t know any of your story. We were only talking about you. She wanted you to be happy and he prompted me to ask you on a date, after you broke up with your boyfriend. But I never dared. I didn’t know what happened to her, until you told me. And I didn’t know you were Sonya’s father.

I just saw you that day on the shop and you were so desperate, that I found the courage to approach you. And I didn’t tell anyone, what happened between us. Minho was only referring to me, pining over you, the idiot.”

 

Newt could only gape.  So Tommy was really the decent, shy man the blonde thought he was. A knight in shining armour. And Brenda was talking about him back then. But something didn’t make sense.

“If you had a crush on me, why did you turn me down that night,” he asked, dying to know the honest answer.

 

Thomas’ eyes grew wide and sadness filled them. “I thought it was obvious. Firstly, you were drunk as hell. I didn’t want to take advantage. Secondly…” He couldn’t continue.

 

“Secondly?” Newt asked. _“OK, he could understand the first. But what was the other one?”_

 

“I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. I was in the right place, the right time, trying to help you. And I know that you feel grateful for it, although I didn’t really do anything big. But…I don’t want you to think that you like me, just because of that. And as much as I would like to believe the opposite, I think your attraction is based on my actions towards you. Not my personality or looks.”

 

Newt wanted to protest, he really did. But as he started to think about it, he realised, that the brunet had a point. Thomas was the first person he let close to himself since Brenda’s death and he was truly grateful for his help. But did he feel anything else apart from gratitude and pure physical attraction? He wasn’t sure. “I…” he started weakly, but Thomas cut him short.

 

“Don’t worry Newt. It’s not a problem.” he said with a smile. But his eyes told differently.

 

“I’m so confused.” the blonde admitted. “But I know that I don’t want you to vanish forever.”

 

“Give me your phone.” the shorter man said. When Newt obeyed, he typed his number in quickly, and handed it back to him. “Whenever you need me, just call.”

 

Newt felt his heart sink. He was so selfish, such a bad person. “Thank you. I’m sorry, I…”

 

“Come on, Newt. Don’t feel so down. Nothing has happened.” said Thomas with his well-known smile. But it never touched his eyes.

 

***

 

Going out on a Saturday night with your ex- boyfriend was probably not the best idea of the year. But Newt needed a bloody distraction. In the past few weeks, he tried to figure his feelings out, without success. He was absolutely sure that he enjoyed the brunet’s company. Thomas was smart, cheerful and he was taking care of the people around him. He was one of the most good hearted person the blonde has ever met. Not to mention that he was a looker. And he had a crush on Newt. And clearly, he wanted more, than a one night stand.

But did Newt want that? Did he want Thomas or was he just craving after the help and support, that came with him?

 

“Your brain’s going to fry.” said Alby, shouldering the blonde. “Forget about you worries today. Concentrate on getting laid. Good sex always clears the head out.”

 

“I don’t know mate, it was literally years ago, when I last picked up anyone. I can’t remember how to do it. Not to mention sex…” the blonde chuckled.

 

“Oh, come on, Newty. You had a name at that place, before we started dating. But if you have any doubts, I’m more than happy to offer my services for practicing.” said Alby with a smirk.

 

Newt snorted. “Gee, thanks. But no. I want a stranger. Without complications.”

 

\---

 

Newt was standing by the bar, sipping his pineapple juice. He never drank alcohol, when he was planning a one night encounter. He preferred his head clean. His shirt was sweaty from dancing and his heart was still racing. It was easier to get back on the dance floor then he thought. He was considered a good dancer and he was soon surrounded by inquisitive males. He fooled them around a bit, then chose the most good looking one of them, a tall brunet with brown eyes.

 

“So, Newt, would you like to continue our conversation somewhere quieter.” the guy, named Jared asked, putting his arm around the blonde’s waist.

 

“Conversation?” smirked Newt. “And yet, I had the impression that you would like to use your mouth otherwise.”

 

Jared’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Follow me!” he said, sliding his hand to hold Newt’s. They ended up in one of the little boxes around the dancefloor, where people could have some alone time. Sexual encounter was strictly forbidden in the club, but kissing and exploring was more than allowed.

Jared was standing in front of him. “You are gorgeous.” he said, pulling Newt closer by his belt.

_“I don’t need compliments, I need a good fuck.”_ He thought, looking at the other men’s lustful eyes before the distance was gone, and they were kissing fiercely, pulling each other closer.

_“Not bad, not bad.”_ thought the blonde. _“I wonder if Tommy was a good kisser. Yuck! He surely wouldn’t lick into my ear. Gosh I want a lover, not a puppy. No hickeys, please!”_ Newt pushed Jared’s face away from his neck, claiming his mouth with his own once again. _“You don’t need to mark your territory.”_ Jared pushed him to the wall, lacing their fingers together once again. His palms are cold and sweaty. _“Tommy has warm hands. Damn it Newt, stop thinking about him all the time.”_

He broke the contact with  Jared, looking at his face to pull himself together. It didn’t help though, because he involuntarily started to compare the man to Thomas. Jared’s eyes were brown too, but a darker shade. His lips were thinner and his skin was flawless. Tommy’s face was covered in tiny moles, which made him even more attractive. _“Gosh, when did I pick up all that information about him.”_ he wondered again. He kissed Jared again roughly, desperate to get Tommy out of his mind. The other man moaned and pulled Newt closer, rubbing their fronts together. The brunet’s arousal was clear, even through the fabric of his pants.

 

“Is there a problem?” Jared asked referring to the lack of Newt’s arousal.

 

“I just…” the blonde said, unable to finish the sentence.

 

“You have someone else in mind.” Jared stated.

 

Newt’s eyes grew wide. “How do you know?”

 

“I’m not stupid, blondie. You keep looking at me like you were trying to see someone else.”

 

“Sorry. It’s really annoying. I just can’t seem to get him out of my head.”

 

“Then don’t.” said Jared.

 

“What?” Newt couldn’t really understand the brunet’s words.

 

“Imagine, that I’m him when you kiss me. Imagine that it’s his body you’re touching and his fingers touching yours.” smirked the other man. “Don’t look at me like I’ve grown a second head. I want to have a good night and I don’t really care who you think about as long as I get what I want.”

 

Newt didn’t ask any more questions. He pulled the other man closer, kissing his lips again. He kept his eyes closed and pictured Thomas’ face. His whiskey coloured eyes looking at him intently, his warm, soft hands running through his hair, his soft lips kissing his neck, his wet tongue caressing his collarbone. A soft moan escaped his lips, before he could help it and he felt himself harden under the fabric of his boxers and jeans. The sensation was exciting and frightening at the same time. He wanted Thomas, he needed Thomas. _“What the bloody hell am I doing here_?” he thought. He suddenly pushed Jared away, and buttoned his shirt back.

 

“I can’t do this. Sorry!” Newt said, heading towards the exit.

 

Jared was furious. “Are you kidding me? I’ve spent my whole evening, trying to seduce you and now you back out?”

 

“I’m really sorry. I’m sure you’ll find someone else tonight.”

 

“You’re a prick!” the brunet shouted after him.

 

“I know.” Newt said, but he didn’t stop.

 

\---

 

As soon as he exited the Glade, he took his phone out of his back pocket, and dialled Tommy’s number. He wanted to do it so many times in the past couple of weeks, but he held back, too afraid to contact the man.

 

“Hello?” Thomas’ voice echoed through the line.

 

“Hey, Tommy. It’s Newt. I hope you were not sleeping.”

 

“Nope. I’m walking home from a party. How are you?”

 

“I’m good, yeah, all is fine, Sonya is ok. Listen, Tommy, I was just wondering if you’d like to come over…” Newt babbled nervously. Thomas didn’t answer straight away, so he just waited, feeling more and more like an idiot with every passing second.

 

When he did, the brunet’s voice was hesitant. “OK. When?”

 

“Well, right now?” the blonde blurted out. That made Thomas chuckle at the other end of the line. “Sure. I’ll be there in half an hour if it’s ok.”

 

“Perfect. See ya.” Newt finished, hanging up the phone. His heart was racing. He was sure now that he liked Thomas. He wanted the man, but not just physically. He wanted to know him better. To spend time with him. _“Gosh Newton, what have you gotten yourself into?”_

 

\---

 

Newt’s heart jumped to his throat, when he heard the knock on the door. He opened it with his hands slightly shaking.

 

“Hey.” the brunet smiled shyly, standing from one leg to another. He was wearing a leather jacket and a plain white T-shirt with jeans.

 

“Hey.” Newt answered, taking in the other man’s soft features. “Come in.”

 

They were standing in the living room in awkward silence for minutes, before Thomas started to speak.

 

“So, ummm…why did you want to see me?”

 

“I need to ask you a favour.” Newt said.

 

Thomas’ face fell just the slightest bit, but when he opened his mouth again, his voice was gentle and reassuring.  “Anything for you.”

 

Newt licked his lips nervously. He could only hope that his plan would work and he will not make a total idiot of himself. “Kiss me!”

 

Thomas’ eyes widened. He was looking at Newt’s face, searching for motives and emotions. He must’ve found what he was looking for, because the next moment he was right in front Newt wrapping his arms around him. He didn’t hesitate to close the distance between their lips, kissing the blonde fiercely.

 

Thomas’ lips were soft and warm. He caressed Newt’s lips gently, but the blonde needed more. He licked the man’s lower lips tentatively, asking for entrance. Their kiss deepened and they were exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues. Newt’s whole body was trembling slightly from excitement. The kiss was full of emotions, gentle and passionate at the same time.

When they had to part for air they put their foreheads together, still locked in an embrace.

 

“Wow. If I knew you were such an amazing kisser, I would have made you to kiss me sooner.” Newt said with a smile.

 

“Better than I’ve ever imagined.” agreed Thomas. “I hate to ask it, but I’m dying to know. “Was that just an experimental kiss, or does it mean something for…us?”

 

“It means that I’d like to know you better. I couldn’t stop thinking about you in these past few weeks. I want to give us a chance. I’d like to go on a date with you and..well, if you are still interested of course. I know I’m not the perfect dating material. I’m insecure and I also have Sonya, and… ”

 

Thomas sealed his mouth shut with a kiss. “And you talk too much nonsense.” the brunet said, when they parted. “But I think I can get used to it.”

 

 


End file.
